Dear UG,
Do ticks and lice (hair/body) have anything to do with one another?
-D.B.

Dear D.B.,
No. The ticks would love to, but the lice feel they are too good for ticks. Some ticks think this is discriminatory, but the lice aren't having any of it. Some fear it will be decades before this "bugist" behavior is eradicated.
-UG

Dear UG,
When ya gonna update your column?? Geeze man, it's the same old stuff day in and day out. Even Dear Abby recycles!
-Grumbling

Dear Grumbling,
Pardon me, but some of us have a life, you know. It's not like I make my living doling out advice to you ingrates. Frankly, the pay sucks. I only do this on the side so I won't have to join Mary Kay.

Anyhow, if you want me to give more advice (get a paper and pencil, you might want to jot this down) you have to EMAIL ME QUESTIONS.  That relic Dear Abby gets buckets of mail! What am I? Chopped liver?
-UG

Dear UG,
I have a two year old kid that is totally like my mother. Get this:
~ She LIKES to be organized
~She HATES chocolate & sweets and begs me for apples and carrots
~ Her FAVORITE dinner is broccoli and corn & limas
~ She will go get her tooth brush and FLORIDE toothpaste and beg to have her teeth brushed in the morning.

Now she does have her downside. While she LOVES to get a bath, she turns into the exorcist when her hair gets wet. Oh and yes, she has totally written off potty training as "not her thing" and forget sleeping through the night, 5 hours is PLENTY of sleep for one day!!  But the rest of it? It's like living with my MOTHER!!! What do I do??
-FR

Dear FR,
First of all, I'd like to thank you for sending me a REAL question. I live for this sort of thing. My life is incomplete, without the promise each day of helping others.
Unfortunately, your question arrived without the appropriate bribe money, so you're out of luck. Maybe you should ask Dear Abby. I hear she works cheap.
-UG

Dear UG,
My Mother-in-Law came to "help" me when I came home from the hospital with my new baby, but all she does is chat and expect me to wait on her hand and foot. My husband won't say anything to her. Why?
-Resentful

Dear Resentful,
Because your husband is a smart man, that's why. And a smart husband is better than a dead husband. Right?
Your only course of action is to find a way to encourage her to leave early. But you'll have to be very subtle and sneaky about this, so she thinks it's her own idea. Try walking around naked. Your post-partum body (I'm sure) has frightened YOU. Why not turn it to your advantage? Also, discuss genitalia openly. This trick I have found very useful in dealing with my Mother-in-Law.
Good Luck.
-UG