What I Did Last Summer

How very nice of you to ask!

Hmm. What did I do over the summer? Well, I did a lot, I can tell you. I didn't just sit in front of the TV eating bon-bons (although, truth be told, I often dream about doing just that.)

Cultural Enrichment
I schlepped the kids to the produce store twice a week this summer, and tried something new each time. Well, okay, some of them I'd already tried, but the kids hadn't. There's only so many fruits and vegetables to choose from, after all, even when you count the hybrids, genetically-altered fare, and the stuff in the "irradiated" section. (My daughter's favorite: the cellular bananas.)

Hey. You can't underestimate the excitement, practicality, and cultural significance of fruit. In fact, fruit has been present in every civilization, since the dawn of time. Every brilliant mind throughout the course of history, bar none, has eaten fruit. And besides, we couldn't afford a trip to Europe. So it's fruit or nothing.

Travel
Actually, we traveled a little. We took a weekend trip to visit the town where I lived when I was 7. We really threw ourselves into the experience - pretended it was a vacation to the Grand Canyon. Which it was (except for the canyon thing): there were lots of kid arguments over who, exactly, touched/looked at/pinched whom; requests to go to the bathroom at particularly inopportune times; ill-considered souvenirs; and insomnia caused by thousand watt motel nightlights and kids' snoring.

Although originally designed as the centerpiece of our trip, we didn't get to visit my old elementary school. It's on a military base, and they're really cracking down on suspicious families poking around 2^nd grade classrooms. You can't be too careful these days!

Demonstrating (By Example!) the Importance of Lifelong Education
I took a class this summer. I'm not going to tell you what type of class it was, because then you'll start asking me questions like I'm some expert on the subject, when in fact, I was a complete failure. Again.

See, this always happens. I go into a new course of study with such optimism. Like, I imagine myself a veritable pottery prodigy, instantly turning out astonishing vases by the truckload, while onlookers bow to my superior abilities - having never before seen someone with such an amazing gift for sculpture. And then I'll actually get my hands on some clay, and end up making some sad looking drink coasters.

Or I'll imagine I'll be the very best beginning ski student anyone's ever seen - advance almost immediately to the sveltely-clothed black diamond group, who even still are amazed at my newly discovered talent - only to find, as soon as I get my boots on, that I can't even WALK in them, never mind the part where they strap slippery sticks onto the bottoms.

So, I took a class and found something else I'm bad at. Which, I guess, is a good thing to know.

Household Project
I decided to install crown molding in my house this summer. Yes it's a big project, but with a saw and some good old-fashioned elbow grease, one can do remarkable things. Presuming one actually starts the project. Which I didn't. But I DECIDED to do it, you see.

Domestic Engineering
I did heaps and heaps of laundry this summer, despite the fact that I never saw my children in anything but their bathing suits. I finally put my foot down when I washed 12 kid-towels one week. No pool. No beach. No bath. No shower. No soap. 12 towels. You do the math.

Deep Thinking
I worried a lot this summer. I guess lots of people do this, but I like to think I elevate it to an art form. I worry about the kids riding their bikes barefoot. I worry they'll injure themselves on rusty fishhooks or get poison ivy. I worry that they'll talk to strangers, carry scissors incorrectly, or contract bacterial meningitis from a mud puddle. I worry about continental drift because I figure since I'm worrying anyway, I may as well get as much done as I can.

Getting a Jump on the Competition
I started my holiday shopping this summer. I did! I bought a candle. It's a very nice candle. I'm not sure who it's for, but I'm sure they'll be delighted if it doesn't melt in the attic before summer is over. My grandfather once told me "Well begun is half done!" so I guess I can wait and do the rest of my shopping around December 20^th.

Practical Science
I did several science experiments this summer. One had to do with how long a package of boneless chicken, having cleverly concealed itself out of sight in the trunk wheelwell while being transported home from the supermarket, will smell before the average middle-class couple will 1) pay a mechanic to take the entire chassis apart to find whatever wild animal must have died in there, or 2) sell the car.

The other experiment: how long you can keep broccoli before it turns to liquid in the produce drawer. (Not that long, it turns out; certainly less time than it takes for a chicken breast to decompose.)

Summary
So you see, it was a very productive summer. We call it: "Our Summer of Doing Cheap Stuff", since that's what folks do when the economy is in the toilet. Cheap stuff can be very educational, though - especially the "Fruit Around the World" thing.

Next year, I hope, will be "Our Summer of Stuff We Did After Winning the Lottery."