The Sandbox Snickerdoodle

Age appropriate mischief or freak of nature? My 3-year-old daughter Abby can't seem to keep her clothes on for more than 7 minutes at a time.

It's amazing to me that even while strapped into the car with a safety-certified 5-point restraint system (next best thing to a strait jacket) she can get every stitch of clothing off of her body by the time we get, well, anyplace.

I've set up a sneaky mirror system to see how, exactly, she does this, but I'm about ready to chalk it up to magic. She can go from Quaker to naked in a normal visual scanning circle: Abby, road, rearview, road, speed, road, Abby (naked.) What the…?

My best guess is that she has the ability to dislocate her arms.

She is probably so good at this quick change, because she practices so assiduously. Even in her sleep, by all indicators. I put her to bed: pink pajamas. One hour later (dead asleep): no pajamas. On my way to bed (still in a coma): white pajamas. Morning: naked again, but a telltale PJ haystack by the bed. I'd give my arm for a time-lapse photography team. Though they might not be quick enough to catch the little leprechaun in the act.

This quick-change talent has proved a particular problem on the occasions she's been included in a wedding party. However, according to the etiquette rules (I looked it up) while you're not supposed to wear white, black, or red to weddings, there is absolutely nothing in there about naked flower girls.

Normally I wouldn't mind the nudity so much, except that she seems to consider her body a blank canvas. Paint, it seems, can be found everywhere. Especially the refrigerator. I think you have to be starving in New York before this sort of thing is officially considered "art," but I have to admit, she does some wonderful swirly effects with hair and syrup. Of course then she decides she's cold, and without further ado forages for her best dress.

It HAS occurred to me that it would significantly cut down on laundry if I just let her have her way on this one. But you know as well as I, that while it takes repetition and consistency over a period of YEARS to form good habits, BAD habits usually become permanent after a single occurrence. So if I want her to routinely be able to navigate public places such as the frozen food aisle, birthday parties, or major international airports fully clothes, I've got to make sure she has some practice.

What's a little yelling, after all, when you consider the big picture?

Actually, I've tried bribery. Snacks, toys, large cash transfers, that sort of thing. But she's a woman of her own mind, and her mind, apparently, tells her naked is good! If anybody knows a way to successfully monkey with 3-year-old logic, I'm all ears.

She seems to prefer dresses to pants, probably because it's easier to get out of them, or at least hold the skirt up over her head (the inverted bell) mainly for purposes of maternal mortification. Flowing dresses are the next best thing to nakedness, she insists ("I Wike Fwowy Dwesses!") Especially when she manages to leave her underpants stuffed under her car seat.

And then there's the weekly Easter Egg hunt for stashed items of clothing. I have to say she's pretty good at finding creative hiding places, but frankly I could do without socks in the Tupperware. I've even found her pressing underpants, like so many flower petals, in the photo albums. I worry most about wayward underclothes when we're expecting houseguests - especially after the time she decided to hide an armful of tampons on me. I was still finding them after 6 months.

I guess all I can hope for is that she grows out of this phase before she hits high school. You know - to save my husband a few unpleasant episodes under the electric paddles. And meanwhile just take lots of pictures of my sunscreen slathered, sandbox snickerdoodle.

For the wedding slide show.