The Sage Year

This year, I resolve to become much wiser.
A friend once told me: "The thing about experience, is that it takes you a whole year to get a years' worth."

But I'm always looking for short cuts, on account of I'm a PARENT, and scheduling time for cognitive advancement comes right after "Check Expiration Date on Medication" on my list of things to do.

I'm going to start carrying a notebook. So I can jot down bits of wisdom I hear, or that magically appear in my head - presumably as a gift from God (or maybe it's just those voices again.) I know what you're thinking, "Who remembers a notebook?" But I'm way ahead of you - I can just write it on the palm of my hand with one of those pens I stole from the bank.

If only I'd thought of this years ago - I'm sure I'd be sitting lotus on a mountaintop somewhere, offering sage tidbits to tired seekers, such as: "Scrape the snow off your car from the UPWIND side." But alas, I'm behind the curve (again.)

The kind of things I'll write in this notebook will not just cover earth-shattering revelations (like "when they say PERMANENT INDELLIBLE INK, they're not just whistling Dixie"), but also things that may seem obvious at the time, but tend to slip one's mind (like "Slumber parties are a good idea.")

Just this holiday season, for example, I picked up a thing or two - which I'm sure I've learned MANY times before, but that time (and possibly too much egg nog) tends to erase from the brain.

  • It's a bad idea to wait till Christmas Eve to wrap all of the presents.
  • Cats like bows. A lot.
  • Never admit that you know how to change the batteries. (This would have saved me a TON on over-the-counter pain relievers.)
  • Always wear shoes, once Leggos make an appearance in your house.
  • When relatives are visiting, you can't have too much booze on-hand.
  • Etc.

My point being that you don't have to be aged to be wise. You just have to REMEMBER what you've learned. Even my kids would see the sense in this simple observation. But they'd forget it as soon as I walked out of the room, the same way they forget that climbing the drapes will pull the curtain rod out of the wall. (How many times, I wonder, can one spackle the same spot?)

Kids are the equivalent of anti-memory. Their whole being and nature forces them to repeat errors, in order to develop trust in the laws of physics. They can be so effective at pressing this learning tool, that it rubs off on unsuspecting parents. I've actually found myself eating another chocolate chip cookie, even after I've developed a stomachache from the previous dozen.

NO MORE, I say! This time I'm going to write it down: "When stomachache sets in, stop eating cookies!"

This is going to work for me. You just wait. I'll be sparring with William F. Buckley come November. "Sage Susan" they'll call me.

Now if I can only stop spelling wisedom with an 'e'.


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© 2000, Susan Kawa, All rights reserved.