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The Forgets
Something happens to the Earth's atmosphere the first month of school every year. I'm sure you've noticed. Something that lets in dangerous cosmic rays or alien laughing gas, and renders otherwise functioning brain cells into so much tapioca pudding. And "The Forgets" set in.
Despite the fact that he's well into the elementary school routine, my son will forget his backpack, reading book, lunch, homework, show-and-tell item, and occasionally various formerly attached major body limbs. All on the same day.
My daughter has been known to forget her underpants. (Who thinks to check for that sort of thing?)
As a general rule, this sort of incompetence is usually blamed on the mother. Which (at least in this case) is probably true, but I resent the fact that my kids get off scott free. Okay, they're only 5 and 7, and probably deserve a break on that account, but when exactly do *I get to point the finger?
In my day (here it comes!) I had my own alarm clock. Woke myself up, fixed myself breakfast, made my lunch, fed the cat, and rode my bike to school (uphill both ways) - all before my mother got up. Sometimes I even remembered to change out of my pajamas.
Max and Abby couldn't take it. Kids are soft these days.
It's my own fault, I suppose. They rely on me for everything, and I supply. They doesn't even self-police their roughhousing, as they expect me to tell them when it's getting out of hand. When I was a kid, you had to fall out of a tree a few times to earn this sort of wisdom. And it was worth something, believe you me. Now the wisdom comes for free, and that's what it's worth anymore.
"Mom! You forgot to remind me to pay my pizza money! It's still in my pocket. NOW what am I going to do?"
"You're going to come over here so I can give you a slap."
School is way more complicated now, I'll admit. I just can't keep up with the stuff Max has to remember. For example, Wednesday is Music class at school, so Max is supposed to remember to bring his soprano recorder. Fine. He keeps it in his backpack. Checked the backpack - recorder's in there. Opened the recorder case to double check. It's there. Definitely there. Good. In the car: "I see you remembered your backpack! Way to go!" Max pulls the recorder out in the car, to practice "Hot Cross Buns" one more time. And then FORGETS to put it back in his backpack. Goes to school without his recorder.
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