Pink Plastic Lawn Flamingos

It started out innocently enough. I mean, what ELSE are you supposed to send your big brother for housewarming? Dish towels?

He actually put them up in his back yard. I hadn't counted on that. I actually thought he was a big fat liar, but the neighbors corroborated his story when I checked up on him. My brother has fine qualities (such as honesty,) but clearly, his taste in lawn ornaments is right down there with his taste in sisters.

All winter they stood there on the edge of the woods, except for the times they got knocked over (or worse,) presumably by near-sighted deer. He had to re-plant them fairly frequently. Luckily, they weren't too hard to find. Even in the snow. They don't make neon pink paint for nothing. Satellites pick them up right quick.

Even though they were in the back yard, I hear they were quite visible from the road. A landmark, even. Which made it rather convenient to guide visitors and UFOs to his home, though they probably questioned the wisdom of ringing the bell. Who knows what lurks behind the doors of a home graced with pink plastic lawn flamingos. It might not be safe.

Then my sister had the poor sense to move. So, naturally, I had to send her some. And with that, a tradition was born. Pink Plastic Lawn Flamingos are now the standard housewarming gift in my family. Condominiums are not immune. There's even a pontoon boat and a pop-up camper with their assigned pairs. I have to say, of all the flamingos, the pontoon boat pair looks the best. They coordinate nicely with the coconut drink cups and tiny umbrellas.

So, you see, it's actually my fault that they even keep manufacturing those horrid pink blobs of plastic. I've bought so many, it seems, that now there's a VARIETY of styles from which to choose. Imagine! I even found one kind with wiggly eyes, and flexible necks (for that authentic bobbing-in-the-breeze look.) Want one leg tucked? I can get it for you!

Someone actually spent time developing these things - incorporating technologically advanced materials for durability and curb appeal. I guess it beats making missiles.

Of course the down side (if you don't consider the whole sordid story "down side") is that if I ever move, I'm sure to be "flocked." And what am I going to do with 50 pairs of lawn flamingos? Will I have to bring them all out whenever the family visits? Is it more attractive to line them up like so many Christmas reindeer, or congregate them for a more natural flamingo social grouping? Will I need to put in a pond?

It's all so complicated all of a sudden. I guess I should have sent him the dish towels after all. Can you get those in fuchsia?