The Boycott

Ah, October. As the temperature falls, the shopping heats up, and I'm reminded of my boycott of one of the nation's favorite stores. I know people can be loyal and touchy about such topics, so I'll opt to disguise the name of the offending establishment. Let me just refer to the "beyond annoying discount department store", "BADDS" for short!

Last fall, on an autumn day much like any other, I swung by BADDS on my way to work on an emergency errand: I was out of Q-tips. (To each his neurosis, okay?) Gauging by the parking lot, it was a bit busier than usual, but when I got to the door, a smiling employee informed me that I was not allowed to enter. It was, she informed me (beaming stupidly), a promotional event: Senior's Morning to Shop!

Senior's morning to shop?!?!? Can't they shop, oh, say, ANY TIME THEY WANT?!?!?

Now, you have to understand that I have approximately 8 minutes per week to do errands without children in tow. I know this doesn't automatically gain me points; some might say that since I CHOSE to have children, I ought to buck up and accept the trappings of parenthood. Including cramming errands into desperately small windows of opportunity. But I maintain that First) that would be patently un-American based solely on the motherhood and apple pie criteria and Second) in that moment of conception - that blessed instant of the joining of two cells, that the cell HOST simply cannot appreciate that the event will affect her ability to negotiate discount department stores for the rest of time. I challenge you to find ONE PERSON on the face of the earth that experienced that premonition at that moment. But I digress.

As I was saying, apparently, one morning a year, BADDS closes their store to the general public, and only sells to seniors. And they get special discounts, too! Though disguised as a community service, this is discrimination plain and simple. And anti-Mom-ite, to boot! I was further incensed when a lovely grandmotherly type strode past me and into the store with 3 grandchildren in tow. "But THEY'RE not seniors." I pointed wildly.

By the time I got to work, I'd become incensed by it all. I telephoned the store and demanded to talk to the manager. At times like this, I usually forget that people don't grow up saying: "My highest aspiration is to become the manager of a discount department store!" Predictably, I didn't find myself speaking to the cream of the gene pool. All I got was some mumblings about "Corporate Policy" (big words for her - her Mom must be proud!).

Next, I fired off a testy e-mail to their corporate headquarters. After politely explaining to them the error of their ways, I asked them to inform me when they were going to have "Working Mother's Morning to Shop", during which they'd keep everybody else out. Why don't you, I suggested, also have special shopping mornings for "People with Speech Impediments", or "Allergy Sufferers", or, "Tone Deaf Entomologists"? (I don't think I'd plan any shopping on THAT day).

I got a bland response from their public relations department (remember what I said about discount department store management…PR - same thing) underlining their commitment to communities, blah blah blah. Apparently (this was not clear to me at the time) they *do* provide extra services and assistance for seniors and the handicapped during this promotional event (Drat! I should have limped!). "Kind of you", I replied, "To help them out ONE MORNING A YEAR!" If BADDS were really concerned about that particular demographic, I added, why don't they provide those services on a continuing basis, rather than once a year? If *I* were a service-requiring senior, I shudder to think how many Q-tips I'd have had to buy to get me through until my next opportunity to re-stock!

The whole thing smacks of a Board of Directors brainstorming for feel-good ideas, and making policies for a proletariate they're completely unconnected with. Just how an otherwise marketing-savvy company would turn away a good customer on an emergency mission to purchase Q-tips, I can't imagine! And I will not continue to support a corporation that denies me my Q-tips! Today Q-tips, tomorrow (gasp) chocolate! You can see where this is going. Comunism!

Needless to say, since that incident, I have taken my 8 minutes of shopping per week elsewhere. It's the least I can do for capitalism and apple pie.