Dryer Lint!
It has come to my attention over the course of the past year that you people don't give a whit WHAT this contest is FOR--you just want to win the dang thing.

You wouldn't believe how many weepy pleas I've received for this junk. Really, folks. You need to get out more.

But in case you feel compelled to read further, or even consider sending me your heartfelt and carefully counted entries, I don't aim to disappoint.

For your consideration, may I offer:

           ~~~   A BIG WAD OF DRYER LINT!   ~~~

Straight from my Winter-white Maytag front-loading natural-gas-powered residential dryer, and possibly including such goodies as melted Chapstick (strawberry flavored) lost buttons, and (dare I titillate?) a crumpled up dollar bill.

Congratulations to the winner, who wrote:
     I would very much like to win your dryer lint. The holiday season is upon us and there are many needy children out there. I work as a volunteer Santa Claus, bringing joy to children who may otherwise go without. I visit young
ones in the saddest of situations - the area orphanages, children's hospitals, and homes of humor writers.
     Last year my costume was damaged in an unfortunate incident with a pet ferret. Who knew that the creatures are in heat during the month of December? It's not mentioned in the World Book. I am determined to continue my work, despite the permanent blindness in one eye and make shift
Santa ensemble.
     I would hot glue your dryer lint to my face in a feeble attempt to pass it off as Santa's beard. I can only hope the cherry chapstick melted w/in the lint might turn out to be peppermint, giving the illusion of candy cane breath.
     Please consider me for your contest. Think of the children.
-Larry G

Here's some other gems I received:
     It's like this. I'm an only child and am living alone for the first time in my life. The fact that I'm 47 is really embarrassing but what's worse is my Mom still drives 45 miles to my place to take my laundry.
     Last month I finally got lucky at a single's bar. Just as we were getting to the really good part I heard a key open my door; my Mom's the only person with a key. To make a long story short I convinced Mom that the bed sheets were clean and threw my dirty socks and underwear at her and told her I had to be to work early so please leave.
     If I win this contest I will tell my Mother that a friendly Grandmother-type in the building is doing my laundry. But, I'll have to have proof. You sound like you have interesting lint and if I mix it in with a batch of clean clothes my Mom might buy my story. She'll believe that the old widow's eyes are failing and she didn't get all the lint out of my clothes when she sees your lint. I'll even mix in a pair of adult undergarments to really nail it.
     I hope you find it in your heart to save me from further
embarrassment/harassment!
-Jack

     ...For helping my three step kids, their cousins, and my two daughters with their homework while trying to hide the fact the baby is nursing from my cracked left boobie (the right one never produced, it must have known what was coming), while I make dinner, let the dog out, start a bath, and contemplate starting back to school, all while my husband walks around searching for the remote, wondering aloud why his dinner isn't ready yet, I would like to feel like I have won something at the end of someday in the near future. sorry such a run-on sentence, but I don't have time for much punctuation.
-Teresa

     I want to win your contest because I have never won anything in my whole life. Not ever. Not once. Just once I want to know the thrill of being a winner. I'm sure a lot of people are writing and telling you the same thing. But this is the truth. I've never been a winner.
     That cruise I took to Aruba? I didn't actually fill out the entry blank. My teen-aged daughter did. So technically, SHE won. I just took the trip.
     And that time I was on The Price Is Right? You can't count that because I didn't make it to the finals and only came home with a living room suite and a baby grand. And if you had to pay those taxes you would agree that it didn't much feel like winning either. And Bob Barker is really, really old. He pinched my ass.
     If you're wondering about the 500 grand I get each year from the state lottery, I didn't really win that either. I just chipped in a buck in the office lottery pool. I didn't even buy the tickets or claim the prize. And since I was able to quit my job you can't really classify that as 'winnings'; it's 'income'.
     So, Susan, as you can see--I've never been a winner. Now can I win your contest?
-Marta