A Heap 'O Dog Fur!
(Winner announced below, read on…)
In case you haven't been reading, I have a new pooch. No, not a uniquely protruding belly, the traditional canine type of pooch. We bought him small and cute, and he turned into a moose. His name is Ralph. We SHOULD have named him "Yeti."

He makes lots of hair. LOTS of hair. I know you think YOU have a dog that sheds, but let me assure you, you are wrong. I'm talking buckets. We lost the children. Twice.

So I'm told, people knit sweaters out of the undercoat hair of this particular breed. I don't know *what people--probably child-free people without heavy social commitments. Which is kind of a shame, because the sweaters, I'm sure, would be quite fetching.

Anyway, if you're one of those breed of shut-ins with a spinning wheel and a pair of knitting needles that routinely start friction fires, this contest is for you. Otherwise I'd argue that you are quite mad. But what the heck.

White dog fur. Soft. Non-flea-infested. 1 grocery bag full.
Hot off the brush (I'm saving up.)

Tell me in 200 words or less WHY on earth you want to win this contest. Please NOTE that I reserve the right to print whatever you submit, and possibly make fun of you. No foul language or marriage proposals, please.

Contest ends 9/01/02. I will contact the winner for a mailing address then. If you don't hear from me, then you didn't win. I know, I know. Life can be so unfair. 

Small Print: If the winner doesn't respond within one week, The prize goes to the
runner-up (and so on.) Prize will be mailed within one week of receipt of address.

Congratulations to the winner, who wrote:

Dear Susan,
I have a small black cat and a 50lb black lab. Between the two of them my wife and I are constantly sweeping up black dust bunnies. I would like to win the bag of white dog hair so that I can scatter it around my home and experience the joy of sweeping up a dust bunny of a new color. Perhaps the white and black hairs would make a grey dust bunny? We'll never know if you don't award me this fabulous prize. If I win I will use my wife's digital camera to immortalize the dust bunnies and send you copies of the pictures. Thank you for considering me for this prize.

Sincerely, Someone With Nothing Better To Do

Clever AND honest. I like that in a guy.
Can't wait to see the pictures!

And the runner up, who wrote
I do not actually want to win dog hair since I have absolutely no need for it, however I got a brainstorm at work while playing on the Internet, "Hey it would look like you are working, if you are typing!" So
here is my 200-word essay on why I would like to win your dog's hair.

As I sit here today at my desk job bored and doing nothing of what I should be doing, I am wondering what good I can do for the world if I had a bag of dog hair. Below are some examples of what I would do if I was a lucky enough person to have this dog hair in my possession and what could I do to help this world.

1.   I would hand knit a gorgeous hair jacket for shivering little pooches with little or no hair at all, which could be dyed to match owner preference.
2.   Mothers of babies with follicle challenged hair would never again get questions of, "What type of shampoo do you use?" or "Were he/she born with so little hair?" with a little Elmer's glue and some of
this hair future questions would be eliminated, of course which as above can be dyed to match mother's preference. (Safety warning: Please do not try this at home, and to all social workers, please be advised that my child was born with a head full of hair, so no, this is not a tried and successful solution.)
3.   Dog hair can be quickly thrown around the house in case of an unplanned visits from people with allergies, i.e., in-laws, salesmen, other people's know-it-all children, etc.

I do have more idea's on what I could do with this wonderful dog hair, however my boss is about to walk through the door, so in case I do win the grand prize, please feel free to donate it to the runner up. Thank you.--Melissa

Here's some other gems I received:
well.....if i win do you pay the postage ?
-Allen

Well, Allen, you get points for practicality.
But get a load of the following three--ALL FROM THE SAME EMAIL ADDRESS!

I want it! It'll be fun and won't be bad!

I think it be just splendid to recieve such a great honor as this. If I won, I would be very nice to it and would be kept clean and neat. I want it more than anything on the world.
If I don't win though, I will not be upset and be happy for the person who did, whoever they are. Thankyou.

YO, FI WON DIS TING, IT'D BE ALL DAT AND BAG O PHAT CHIPS DOG. YO, WEN IM DON DIS, I BE BUMPIN PHAT BEATS CUZ MY SISTEM'Z FLY! EBA EBA OW!!
SEEEEE YA! not

Sorry, Sybil.