Name My New Baby!
(Winner announced below, read on…)

Okay. I may as well put you web-surfing zombies to work. I'm needing a name. Two names, actually--a first name and a middle name. The last name is pretty firm.

A boy name or a girl name, you ask.
Yes.

Will I actually use it? That depends on if it's stupid or not.

Don't go sending me something all ethnic and colorful, such as "Archibald Armando" or "Urselia Mildred." This is precisely why I'm abandoning my traditional family names on this one.

And don't send me some ridiculous string of names which will force the kid to adopt some simplified title like "Madonna."

Watch those initials, too. I don't want to be stuck with any  D.I.K.s or S.U.K.s. I'm serious, people. Get it right.

The prize for the best name is…

That's not very much (you complain.)
Hey--will you take a look at my PAST contests? This is at least USEFUL.

Besides, you selfish clods, having your hand-picked name pinned on an actual human being should be its own reward!

Now get to work!

Contest ends 10/08/01, give or take 2 weeks. I will contact the winner for a mailing address around then. If you don't hear from me, then either you didn't win, or I'm too tired to notice. 

Small Print: If the winner doesn't respond within one week, The prize goes to the
runner-up (and so on.) Prize will be mailed within one week of receipt of address.

NOTE: I'm not really pregnant. This is a blatant shameless trap for my family, who all CLAIM to read my website religiously, but who I'm convinced are big fat liars.

But if you come up with a really good name, I might use it for my next dog, cat, fish, or foreign exchange student.

Congratulations to the winner, who wrote:

Dear Susan, <Good--Personalized!>
I am a mother of 3 (somewhat small, big enough to annoy me but not too big to be sent next door by themselves to annoy someone else) children. I love your stories. <Extra points for brown-nosing!> I laugh at some of them sooo hard I cry! You make parenting a little easier knowing I'm not the only one who sees the humor in these things. So I'm going to give you the name of my 4th baby (who will be due here in about, say, 6 more years)...…"Roulette." I know the consequences of introducing casino games to your children at a young age (this is why my 7 year old can beat me at poker now <More points for teaching a 7-year-old poker. Mine can't seem to even master "Go Fish"!> ), but my aunt was named Roulette and we called her Roo. So I hope you like it and I hope you keep writing for years to come (or at least until all of yours are out of the house)
Yours Truly,
Jennifer N.

Love it, Jennifer! Good for a boy OR a girl. And the sucking up didn't hurt, either.

I know it's only ONE name, and not two. But I like it. So sue me.

As an aside, I would like to congratulate my husband's cousin's spouse, Fred, who was the ONLY family member to actually check in and make a comment, thereby passing the test. Apparently, nobody else in our collective extended clan actually reads my site.

Therefore, it is hereby OPEN (sarcasm) SEASON on family members, here at Mommarama, Run Forest, Run!